


B Anonymous

by Dee_Laundry



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-15
Updated: 2011-11-15
Packaged: 2017-10-26 13:58:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dee_Laundry/pseuds/Dee_Laundry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apostrophe S</p>
            </blockquote>





	B Anonymous

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through episode 8-2 only; has nothing to do with later eps. Thank you to [](http://nightdog-barks.livejournal.com/profile)[**nightdog_barks**](http://nightdog-barks.livejournal.com/) and [](http://blackmare-9.livejournal.com/profile)[**blackmare_9**](http://blackmare-9.livejournal.com/) for beta, but be warned I didn't follow all of their advice.

"Did you really think you'd get away with it?"

Wilson looked up from paperwork to gauge the facial expression accompanying that tone of voice from House: triumphant, proud, smug. House had somehow, in some way, gotten one over on Wilson; in other words, a normal day. "Apparently I did think that," Wilson replied, "because I have no idea what you're talking about."

The volume thumped onto Wilson's desk, heavy with its thick cardboard cover and slick with clear library plastic. No author's name on the spine or anywhere on the cover. The front showed the ordinary back of an ordinary person's ordinary head, covered with ordinary hair, trimmed short enough to show ordinary skin, of a Caucasian variety. The hair style was one worn primarily but not exclusively by men; the book's title, however, held the most vital clue to the gender of the very ordinary person.

 _My Name Is James: Notes from a Reflected Life_

"There are a lot of people named James," he pointed out to House.

"Five million, one-hundred ninety-nine thousand, and three in the U.S. You noted that on page one."

Wilson picked up the book. It was relatively slim, a few hundred pages. The spine resisted when he began to open the book; obviously, House had been the first to check it out of the library. Assuming House had checked it out, rather than stolen it, but anyway: the book was unused, unread. Not surprising for an ordinary memoir from an ordinary person.

"What makes you think I wrote this?"

House snatched it from his hand and flipped to a page more than three-quarters of the way through, before shoving it back in Wilson's direction. "The Genius's Friend," Wilson read aloud from the top of the page, the title of the eleventh chapter. He smiled and looked back up at House. "Admittedly there are fewer geniuses in the US than there are Jameses, but there are more than just you. I'd hardly call that proof."

Plopping into the closest guest chair and draping a leg over its arm, House made himself at home. "You think I can't recognize my own exploits? Anyway, without that chapter, there's still the med school education, the two brothers, and the three wives."

Wilson shrugged. "Out of all those Jameses, there have to be several who fit those criteria."

"But only one whose ex-wives are Elizabeth, Faye, and Shirley."

"Those are not, as you well know, the names of my ex-wives." The plastic cover of the book was still cool under his fingers.

House snorted. "Allonymously and thematically, they are. Elizabeth Montgomery played Sam on _Bewitched_ ; Faye Dunaway was Bonnie to Warren Beatty's Clyde; and Shirley Jones was Julie in the 1956 film version of _Carousel_."

"She was Marian in _The Music Man_ , too."

"Don't confuse the subject." House pinned Wilson with his eyes for a moment before looking away. "Took me a little bit longer to figure out the Adrienne to Amber connection."

"Really? I would've thought that'd be the easiest for you."

" _Bold and the Beautiful_ 's not one of the soaps I follow."

"Ah." Wilson sat back, taking the book with him. The table of contents had them all there, every chapter:

Gregory's Usurper  
Beth and Calvin's Kid  
James's Grandson  
Bergen High's Nicest Smile  
The Troublemaker's Brother  
Elizabeth's Young Man  
Cukor's Senior Fellow  
Faye's Rescuer  
Shirley's Mistake  
Adrienne's Killer  
The Genius's Friend

"Why you chose Gregory for your older brother's name was also an interesting question."

"You thought it was you."

House scoffed. "Of course I thought it was me. But then I happened upon _David and Bathsheba_ and realized it was Gregory Peck. How'd David feel about being compared to Peck?"

"I didn't compare them; I just used the name. And David doesn't know, anyway, because he hasn't read it."

"Really?" House looked perturbed; Wilson did his best not to smile. "If you didn't even have your family read it, then what's the point?"

Wilson shrugged again. "Friend of mine from college works for a book publisher, and she needed something to publish." He set the volume back down on his desk, and pushed it House's way. "I had time; no big deal."

"Just thought you'd throw together a memoir that doesn't actually have you in it, and then hide it from the people who _are_ in it."

"It's about me," Wilson protested.

Rolling his eyes, House grabbed the book and made to stand. "It's about everybody but you, as the chapter titles make clear."

"It was just a hook."

House stopped at the doorway to Wilson's office. "You don't need a hook." Frowning, he looked back at Wilson. "You're more than just your relationships to other people. I wasn't lying when I said I liked you."

"I'm your friend," Wilson pointed out, and turned his attention back to patient files.

"I like you even when you aren't my friend," House replied, but by the time Wilson could even look back up, he was gone.


End file.
